> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> User Info
> previous 20 entries

November 19th, 2005

11:12 pm - WOW.. I havent used this thing in forever. But i figured since on MYSPACE nobody reads anything on there anyways...and on here its the same...i just thought i would post something... why is it always the one's you thought you would never let go of, you end up getting so far from? I cant seem to stop thinking about how i can become a better person just to fit YOUR lifestle...YOUR vision of what i SHOULD be...It just keeps on coming. No matter what i do its not good enough for you. Did you ever stop and think that maybe its so hard for me to let "friends" go is because friends are one of the most important things to me. I can never let go of someone. I will always rememeber something about you...and keep coming back to it. I dont need more friends...i just need the friends i had back. Ive noticed that i was the happiest when i didnt have anything good in my life...why is that? I was happy when i didnt have a boyfriend. I was happy when i didnt talk to anyone in school because my grades were decent. I was happy then. Now i am one unhappy person..Dont have a boyfriend anymore. Dont even have a best friend.(i think) Parents are stressing me out. Im going to loose my job.School is just getting harder and harder..I cant stop thinking about YOU!!! God, it wasnt sopposed to be this hard...Life is supposed to be a enjoyable thing. No its not all fun and games, but you arent supposed to be thinking everyday whats wrong with you? I especially DONT NEED PEOPLE TELLING ME THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME...with my body, or the way think, talk, or act.I dont need people telling me i have an ATTITUDE...you think thats just the way i am? Maybe im just a 100% BITCH?!? I let people walk all over me before, and it time for me to walk over them..you treat me like a 5 year old, ill do the same!. Im done trying....I dont need people to feel sorry for me anymore...I am just a good as you...hell im better then that. I will make something of myself...with you or without. I just wanted to let you know... Current Mood: drained Current Music: underoath- boy brushed red...living in black and white

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

October 21st, 2005

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

October 20th, 2005

01:00 pm - Man, this is RAW!!! So today i was bored in class and started writting something and when i was done it turned out to be a poem...a good but not good poem...here this is how it goes: Now that its over Theres nothing much left Sure we may be friends, But its just not the same. The "I love you"s once said dont mean a thing The feelings shared gone down the drain. All thats left are the memories one holds deep inside them never to unfold. Never to unfold until the feelings shared are present and the memories of you are replaced by someone new. Now that its over ill find someone better someone to love me someone to hold someone who will stay forever. You were the one but now your nothing. Nothing to me, nothing to be. You had your chance, you you didnt take it You dont relize it yet, but you had something great. Just take the time to think about what you lost and maybe you will relize that im worth more then a few SmeerNoffs.(spelled right?) damn that was good. Lol. Today is JV Conference. I am swimming yes i am..AND its medals..oh yeah! I should hopefully get a bunch. I wish that my brother could be there to see it but he has to work and i understand that but yeah. I just wish he could have saw me swim in atleast one meet this year. Maybe next year though. Pretty soon we find out if i will be captain next year for the team, and if i dont get it immma be very sad. I am hanging out with ashley tonight. It should really interesting/fun. I havent hung out with her since madison..which was fun..sorta..and i luv this girl! All the times with her are fun..duh. So there is this girl...nevermind. Current Mood: crazy

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

October 18th, 2005

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

(Leave a comment)

October 12th, 2005

09:38 pm Today marks the day were what we spent together is now over. I saw it coming, but didnt want it to happen. We were happy for a long time...and now were gonna work on our friendship. Chris i just want you to know that i loved you from the moment i saw you...and this just marks a beginning of a wonder friendship. All the good times we spent together--getting high, playing games, going out to eat, watching movies, doing "things", sleeping, meeting all of your crazy and wild friends, and everything else weve done together was a blast and i enjoyed every minute with of it with you. You were my escape from the world. I trusted you the most--more then my brother, but most of all you were my best friend. I dont regret the last couple of months with you..it actaully showed me the kind of guy i needed: *Someone who can show you off to all his friends and family and not be ashamed of it. *Someone who can have dinner with the family. *Someone who cares bout my feelings before his. *Someone who knows how to use his "fingers" well.. :) *Someone with a great smile. *Can treat me with the upmost respect. *Who will let me wear all his cloths, and NOT GIVE THEM BACK. *Who loves me for how weird i am..... Were gonna be fine chris. I think that now that were not together, we can figure out things bout eachother that neither of us wanted the other one to know before. Anyways, everything is fine otherwise. I took my psat today and didnt do well, i think. I had coffee this morning so i was super hyper and was dead by the end of the day. I have thought about it and have to quit the Ymca. I dont have time to call and find subs almost every saturday--the only day i work at that. I just will quit and find one durning the summer...who needs a job durning school anyways.!??!! My parents are trying now to be all in my life, and spend time with me...i dont need them here...honestly its been about my brother for the past 15 years why do i need them now? Im not sure what is all going on for halloween ..hopefully the rents will relize that i need to get out, and let me go out to madison with my friends..and then maybe to whitewater.Im not sure... well, i look like a tomoato and i smell like pool..so im going to go take a shower, and try to fall asleep.. Current Mood: crushed

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

(Leave a comment)

October 10th, 2005

(11 comments | Leave a comment)

October 9th, 2005

08:02 pm Things i will share: *got period today *wanted to see boyfriend but couldnt, cuz he had stuff to do. *Lips chapped *Trying to figure out myspace. *Got a crap load of new shirts,bra(2), pj pants(2) today-spent like $100 bucks, and yet to buy tennis shoes for school *went to old navy, and saw a lady and he baby run into a glass window-just like the windex commercial. *Talked to bro, uncle, and charlotte today *Took my letterman coat in today-should be ready on wed. *Swim meets- tuesday at riverside, thursday at hamilton, and saturday- not sure. *Went through 1,000 text messages in less then a month about (24 days), have to wait til the 12th of october to send more..havent had any since the 1st of this month... *still working at the YMCA but if cant get off this saturday (hopefully i wont) i have to quit (yes!) *listening to *Nsync right now...oh god! *babysat until 12:45am last night and woke up at 9! Whats wrong with me? *Packers won today--i know! i was a surprised as you were! I think they all started taking staroids! *My nose is all chapped from blowing it...and it hurts! *My eye itches! *Got to get in the shower, but am way!!!! to lazy! *Today is Adams birthday! *Friday planning on going to 6 flags with -bro, roommate, hopefully tim, chris, me, and i dont know who else... *had WAY to much for dinner tonight thats all folks! Current Mood: full Current Music: the vines-get free

(Leave a comment)

October 6th, 2005

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

October 5th, 2005

10:00 pm - How bad? How bad does it hurt to know that sooner or later, the one you love will no longer be that person...yet just a memory in the back of your head that you wish to get rid of? How bad does it hurt to look into your partners eyes and see emptyness? How bad does it hurt to relize that everything you wanted with your partner has just gone down the drain because of some stupid reasons? How bad does it hurt, to be hurt by the one you love? How bad does it hurt to relize he/she is the only one who understands you...the only one you you trust in...the only one you want to be with? How bad does it hurt, to relize it all ends now? Current Mood: grateful Current Music: N/A

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

October 3rd, 2005

01:00 pm Well, im just sitting in study hall boreder then a GOOSE! i really have nothing to say except my weekend was great! I spent friday with Chris, saturday worked from 8:30-6pm, then just relaxed, and then on sunday went to church, then ccd, came home babysat til like 3, ran to the store, then did homework, ate dinner, and chris was over by like 7:15 until like 9:15. I love spending time with my BABY! uM YEAH. i am on 6 month probation for work.... i also did not quit even though i might have to re-think that for swim. Im not even that dedicated to swim anymore, and being captain will just be out of the question. I always want to be captain but because ive been missing so much i know i wont be able to win...i could possibly be able to run, but for sure not win....maybe. Well yeah. The past couple of nights have been really hard for me to sleep i dont know why but they have. Last night i woke up at 12:45am and looked at my phone and texted chris. Right when i was about to put the phone back, my dad came in took the phone and went back to bed. I was like WHAT THE HECK! i dont know i just took it back this morning and will probable hear about it when i get home...well i got homework to do, so ta ta... Current Mood: amused

(Leave a comment)

September 30th, 2005

01:54 pm So i rode my bike down to the #12 bus stop. As i sat there waiting....i wanted to get up and leave, since i have been sitting there for 40 MINUTES!!! So i finally see the bus come so i get up and stand there looking at the bus. As the bus gets closer to the bus, i start going in my pocket to get the fee out. The bus slows down..i know the driver sees me....The bus driver looks at me...still slowing down, and just keeps GOING!!! i know it was in servise because people were on the bus, but not to many to the point where it to full.....I dont know. Stpuid bus company!!! i am pissed !!!! Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: 50 cent-jus a little bit

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

September 29th, 2005

11:09 am I am still getting really bad stompach aches... i think my boyfriend really wants to break up with me, because out of no-where he is starting to worry about somethings..and it scares me. i know nothing will happen seeing how hes been with me for about 3 months both of our parents dont give a crap about us being together and yeah...i just wish that if he wanted to forget about this whole "worring" thing then just break up with me already and stop dragging me along...and once again people are starting to put thoughts in my head that he is cheating on me, and he just wants to let me down nicely...F*** that i dont need to be let down nicely.. Um, yeah thats really all i have to say. I just want to feel better, and just want to know the truth... Current Mood: indescribable

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

September 28th, 2005

05:39 pm Well i didnt have to go to school today. I was really sick last night, to the point were my parents thought i should take a visit to the hospital. I got blood taken, had an IV put in with 3 drugs(morphein, benedryl, and something else), and yeah. it was an interesting night..and here is how it started. Yesterday at the Hamilton VS. Riverside swim meet, i gt really bad cramps right before i swam the 500. I told my coach but he said they will go away. After i was done with my 500 it got even worse, and after i swam the event after that it was really bad. I went to our collage fair at school, where it hurt to stand. I came home, and it went all down hill from there. I layed in my bed from 7:30-9pm crying my eyes out because it hurt so bad. Thats when my dad said i need to go to the hospital. I got up and puked my brains out. I got to the hospital and didnt get into a room probably til about 10:30pm. They made me Pee in a cup, and examend my adominal area. tHEY STILL dont know whats wrong but yeah. After i got un hooked from the IV i got dressed and Puked again, in the sink. Came home at like 12am and didnt go to sleep til 1. I woke up and still felt like shit. My head still hurts really bad and yeah. that was my night Current Mood: sick

(Leave a comment)

September 27th, 2005

12:59 pm so nothing much going on here. Just sitting in advisory being bored as ever. My neck has this horrible kink in it, and it hurts to turn it which really sucks because i have a swim meet tonight and i have to turn to breath. But whatever. School has been going by fast. I cant believe ive been here for almost a month already. I just hope it keeps going fast. Ive have been nominated for homecoming court. I dont really want to win but if i do it would be nice to have one of those sashes..ya know? My daddy bought me this shirt from New York this past week, and it has this dinosaur on it, really big, and i wore it to school, and this whole day people have been commenting. Its kinda weird. I have given up on trying to talk to "friends" or" aquantess"(sp). I have tried for awhile to hang out with them, or even talk to them, but when they just give me no light of day.. i am forgetting them. If they want to start talking to me..they can, but i am no longer putting forth the effort... I am about to looze my job at the YMCA. i was schedualed to work on saturday(last week) and didnt come in. I didnt know that i was scheduald to work every saturday. So i am on probation now, i have to have a meeting with the boss. and yeah. This sucks. because i now think i have to quit because i have meets on saturdays(3 more) and if i work instead of going to a meet, then i can kiss the chances of me being captain good bye. I dont know. well i have to do some math homework. If you have any input on this at all...please share. thank you, ~samantha~ Current Mood: calm

(8 comments | Leave a comment)

September 22nd, 2005

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

September 20th, 2005

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

September 19th, 2005

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

September 18th, 2005

(2 comments | Leave a comment)